I Stab Things Beanie

For the days when it’s cold outside but your humor is still disturbingly sharp. The I Stab Things Beanie keeps your head warm, your sarcasm visible, and your intentions... questionably clear.

Perfect for medics, veterans, knife nerds, or anyone who prefers their jokes dark and their beanies tight.

• 60% cotton / 40% acrylic — warm, breathable, and slightly stabby in spirit

• Snug, form-fitting shape — like a tactical hug for your skull

• One size fits most — unless your head’s full of bad decisions and war stories

🗡️ Warning: May cause side-eyes, nervous laughter, and people asking if you’re serious.
You're not cold-blooded. You’re just cold. And maybe a little stabby.

Heads up (literally):
We don’t keep piles of hats sitting in some dusty warehouse. Each one’s made fresh when you order—like a tactical taco for your head. That means shipping takes a bit longer, but it's worth the wait.

Thanks for supporting made-to-order gear and helping us avoid overproduction. Your patience is legendary. Probably.